Ian Kaatz of Metal Temple

Holiday Special

Though Dorothy's not in Kansas anymore, Metal Temple sure found Ian over there. He's our newsboy, he likes Power Metal, he'd smoke your front (or rear or whatever) garden if he could, he has wild fantasies concerning the magazine's webmaster and leather... and he's kind enough to think that ex-Nightwish singer Tarja Turunen would date the magazine's chief editor (though we all know she's in love with our webmaster) in order to save him from being all gay (thank you guys, I really appreciate your concerns about my manhood...). Mr. Ian Kaatz, please take your hand out of your pants and start typing answers (after you've washed your hands first)...
[Interviewed by Metal Temple editor Grigoris' ethereal 'AOR-maniac' girlfriend Natalie]
By Natalie
December 31, 2005
Yiannis of Metal Temple (Holiday Special) interview
If Metal music was an 'elite' restaurant's special dish, what would that be?

A big bloody steak.

Assume you're trying to climb on a big mountain, sweating to reach to the top. Which tune would you suggest as the soundtrack to your attempt, so as to give you strength to carry on?

Dream Evil - Made Of Metal

Your favorite band/artist decides to 'turn into' Madonna-style music. Which is the first thought to come to mind?

Where's my gun?

Try to describe the first time you heard about a band named Cannibal Corpse...

I thought what the hell is Cookie Monster doing on a Metal album?

I'm willing to pay the tickets to your holiday in Hawaii. You just have to pack up your bag, putting in only seven items; two of them Metal-related. Name 'em all...

A bag of weed, bottle of Jagermeister, a change of clothes, portable solar powered CD player, Iced Earth - Alive In Athens, and a book of rolling papers.

Orph's decided to accept his nature and turn into gay... Which female artist would you propose to get in touch with, to hold him back?

Tarja Turunen (ex-Nightwish singer)

If Iron Maiden and Judas Priest were not from the UK, but from e.g. Japan, do you think this would alter Metal music's progress through the last 3 decades?

No way, Metal has no language barriers.

My favorite band is AORsters Journey. Lemme hear your statement 'bout this!

I would say you need to listen to more Iron Maiden.

Does your mom approve your musical taste?

Hell no.

Do you approve her musical taste?

Of course not.

Does your boss know you also work for Metal-Temple.com?

Yeah.

Would he be interested in working for the mag also?

Totally.

If you happened to see George Bush Jr. at a Metal concert, what band's gig would that be?

It would have to be at a Cannibal Corpse, because Bush is a closet Gore lover.

The same goes for Michael Jordan.

I would think Jordan would be at a November's Doom concert since they are both from Chicago.

The same goes for Stephen Hawking (you know, the genius scientist...).

I have no idea who he is but he would be at an Ayreon concert because of all the science type themes.

If Metal was a country, what would it be (land, people etc)?

Everyone would eat a large table (!!!) like in Valhalla. Everyone would dress like Manowar (especially Yiannis). Finally there would be breweries than grocery stores.

If in one week you are getting married and your wife wants your dance song to be a Spice Girls tune, how would you react?

If she learns the words to 2 Minutes To Midnight and sings it at the wedding then fine.

Metal is a new drink. What will it contain?

Jagermeister.

If Metal was an animal, what characteristics would it have?

It would a ruthless, blood craving mythological creature.

A new company is launching a new Heavy Metal underwear collection. How would it be designed?

Loin Cloth or whatever Manowar choose.

The ultimate Metal day of your life. Picture it, from dawn to next dawn!

To resurrect Dimebag Darrell and get the rest of Pantera together and party all day.

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