I... really don't know what to say. I am completely at a loss for words here. What I've just listened to was as unsettling as my first go with MAYHEM, yet for completely contradictory reasons as said band. It's compounded by the fact that this band actually hails from the same country as that band I mentioned one sentence ago. Yes, it's definitely Norway or no way at all. The music kind of sucks, though, so there's that.

What this is Hair Metal. In this decade? Still? Really? I thought we killed off Randy Rhoads specifically so we wouldn't have to suffer any more songs about cumming on feeling the noise or how to get your form-fitting spandex their whitest and tightest. But nay, apparently Hair Metal is still alive and kicking against all my wishes and dreams. The fact that it's European in nature is only a second strike against it. No offense to Europe or its citizens, but that whole continent probably sucks a fat one, with the possible exception of Great Britain (because they make me laugh) and Germany (because they make me afraid). Has anyone ever disparaged an entire continent in a music review? I hope not, I'd like to break ground on that endeavour.

Lost my train of thought. Anyway, WIG WAM is about as Glammy and hairy as Glammy Hair Metal can possibly get. As well, the lyrics are as cheesy as humanly possible - barring the introduction of some alien-engineered cheese production device that can combine ambient particles into a fine block of space-cheddar. Which is to say they are dumb.

Listen, I get it. I know that Hair Metal is supposed to be all about just having fun and being as tongue-in-cheek as you can, but that doesn't necessarily mean I have to like it. And that's good, because I don't. To be fair, it certainly does the genre exceptionally well, and I'm sure fans of this will love it, and I won't stand in your way or make fun of you (to your face). Yes, the sound quality is certainly of quality, the leadwork is melodic and well-structured for the genre, and the overall musicianship is generally good.

But, in all reality, it simply cannot resonate with me. You have to understand, I'm a bitter, jaded, sarcastic asshole who can't stand anyone who's not one of my three closest friends, who makes fun of anyone and everyone anytime they do anything even remotely dumb, who mocks societal conventions, belittles children whenever their parents aren't around, draws dicks on fine art, and secretly harbors an unhealthy affection for pictures of cats doing anything hilarious and cute. How can Hair Metal possibly strike the right chord with me?