Never Tear Us Apart


"Never Tear Us Apart" would be a wonderfully romantic album title for any band in […]
By Tim Bolitho-Jones
December 9, 2015
Whoretopsy - Never Tear Us Apart album cover

"Never Tear Us Apart" would be a wonderfully romantic album title for any band in the world, except this one. In LIONEL RITCHIE's hands, for instance, you can easily imagine what a smooth, soulful record it would be. The kind of thing that generations of children are conceived to, right? When it's written beneath the spikey, unreadable logo for a band named WHORETOPSY though, it takes on an entirely different context. The mental images of fireside lovemaking dissolve completely to be replaced by twins, who have been stitched together by a deranged scientist in the Australian outback. If any children ever do get conceived to this, you can bet there'll be meat hooks and illegal substances involved.

Formed in 2011, this Melbourne based five-piece trade in low register Death Metal and sure enough, this is a brutally heavy album. What isn't immediately apparent though, is just how damn funny it is. On first glance, it's just a cathartic blast of anger from start to finish with frenetic guitar work, manic bass lines, blast beats and Cookie Monster growls. It's entertaining, if unoriginal, and is sure to ignite a pit or two at underground Metal shows. Bring up the lyric sheet however and WHORETOPSY become way more entertaining.

"Gym Junkie" for instance, is hilarious recounting, as it does a particularly disturbed individual's attempts to sneak into a women-only exercise club while dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire. "Jackhammer Skullfuck" meanwhile, is about arguing over the cost of DVDs in a sex-shop while "Hair, Fat And Baby Wipes" revolves around a couple getting off with each other in a clogged sewer. It's all completely disgusting, utterly juvenile, and if the parents were to ever catch you listening to it, you'd be shipped off to military school before the disc stopped spinning.

It also makes it easy to overlook just how good some of the music is. Sure, Death Metal isn't for everyone and there are plenty of folks who'll describe this as mindless noise, but fans of the genre will find lots to enjoy. "Dendrophilia", for example, is an intense burst of feral rage, with rapid-fire guitar work and a nice slow breakdown in the middle. "He Wouldn't Hurt A Fly" is equally vicious; sounding a bit like DEICIDE covering a Punk band and the title track is heavier than dark matter. It's also about a cuckolded husband dissecting his wife and her lover, but in such a gruesomely over the top manner, it's more amusing than repulsive.

In other words, this is a fun slice of gore-drenched Metal that does nothing new but is still very enjoyable. It's obvious they had a laugh recording it and Death heads will lap it up. WHORETOPSY will almost certainly never trouble the mainstream, but they might get a Cop or two fired for singing along at their shows in full uniform.<

7 / 10


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"Never Tear Us Apart" Track-listing:

1. Prelude To A Fist
2. Thirty Shades Of White
3. He Wouldn't Hurt A Fly
4. Dendrophilia
5. Hiss Your Eggs Out
6. My Strange Addiction
7. Gym Junkie
8. Hair, Fat And Baby Wipes
9. Jackhammer Skullfuck
10. Never Tear Us Apart

Whoretopsy Lineup:

Matt Pocock - Guitars
Storma - Vocals
Jake Sproule - Drums
Ryan Frost - Bass
William Cooper - Guitars

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