After looking at the ironically one-dimensional album art and seeing the names of the songs (although out of the 13 tracks on the album, only six can really be called songs), it's safe to say I wasn't exactly shaking with excitement while hitting the play button. However, I thought I should at least be fair, not judging an album by its cover and all that. I honestly wish I hadn't bothered. There are now 45 minutes of my life that I cannot reclaim, lost to the disastrous mess that is NUCLEARHAMMER's album "Serpentine Hermetic Lucifer" (yeah, I know).

The simple fact is that this is not good music. The opening track "Multi-Dimensional Prism Of Black Hatred" consists of nine-and-a-half minutes of the exact same drumbeat, the exact same guitars, and the occasional grunt of vocals. The song goes nowhere, and ends exactly as it began. The same is unfortunately true for the next actual song, the eponymous "Nuclearhammer", which is a shame since that song should define the band.

Move on to (ahem) "Phosphorous Clouds Descend On Mecca", and once again it's the same story. The only track on the album which actually has any kind of rhythm or appeal to it is "Subhumannihilation", although that isn't saying much. It slows down in the middle enough for a discernible order in the instruments to appear, however the opportunity is wasted when the exact same riff is played over and over again only to speed up to mindless nonsense again towards the end.

"Cosmic Atomic Hypnosis" is a song that clearly tries to leave a certain taste in the listener's mouth upon finishing the album, however it predictably fails. It is another example of repetition across several minutes and ends on yet more pointless noises and sound effects, only highlighting the band's reliance on such padding throughout the other 6-7 tracks that consist solely of them.

The only reason I don't score this effort any lower is that it actually has instruments in it; otherwise we'd be in some serious trouble. It might also help if the production was any good, which it isn't since the experience turns into one big messy wall of noise with no apparent separation between the sounds of each band member.  I do wish them luck on their next album however, since it's never fun to bash on something that people may have spent months crafting.

At least they've set the bar low.