The Eurovision Song Contest - surely something most people living outside of Europe have never […]
By Orpheus Spiliotopoulos
March 27, 2006
Lordi - Arockalypse album cover

The Eurovision Song Contest - surely something most people living outside of Europe have never heard of before. Nah, you're not missing out on anything great, in fact you're not missing out on anything even close to being called good. It's an annual live contest in which every European country is represented by one act, be it Pop/Rap/Folk or whatever - definitely not Metal and rarely pure Rock (I don't consider Pop bands with electric guitars to be Rock). Of course there are exceptions, like for example last year there was... Wig Wam (I know, I know, you fiendish webmaster - you hate 'em but hey, nobody's perfect) who are a Glam Rock band hailing from Norway. Usually the E.S.C. is packed with loads of horseshit for bands but alas that's what a lot of people like, so who am I to judge all that; I'm just stating my personal opinion.
This year it was Finland's turn to shock the world of cheesy Pop followers and baggy panted Hip Hop fans, with a band they'll surely remember forever, not because of its Hard Rock/Heavy music but mainly because of its members' looks. If you know what GWAR look like then you get the picture...
Mr. Lordi or (for those who don't know his actual name) Tomi Putaansuu if your prefer, formed Lordi not long ago or so I suspect based on the fact that the band's first album, Get Heavy (Drakkar Records), was released in 2003. I guess the whole monstrous costume appearance had to do (to a point) with Putaansuu's involvement in the special effects business of - what else - the horror movies industry. Additionally he also was (and still is, I suppose) the founder of the official Kiss fan club in Finland. So, special effects, makeup, Hard Rock... put all that inside a bloody musical toilet and flush. You get a band extraordinaire, you get Lordi! Just a year after their debut release, Lordi struck back with The Monsterican Dream (Drakkar Records) that included hits such as Devil Is A Loser, Would You Love A Monsterman? and Icon Of Dominance, done in true monster fashion, done in true style.
So, you might be thinking so what - big deal - they dress up like GWAR. I actually think that GWAR are only more disgusting (because no, they're not disgusting - they're actually quite cool) than Lordi, they're more messy, at least when it comes to costumes... As far as the music goes, Lordi play a kind of Hard Rock/Heavy/Disco Metal (the term disco in there is rather my interpretation of the feeling this band brings out in me). They make you wanna rip a six-pack open and download that beer while with friends, listening to Lordi's twisted horror rhymes. Having said all that, I definitely had to check out the band's brand new album - not only because of their participation in the E.S.C. semi-finals, that'll take place here in Athens, but also because I always liked their stuff from the very first moment I came across their monstrous path...
Arockalypse is the band's new apocalypse and Mr. Lordi, along with his fellow creeps, had a few surprises in store for our mortal ears. Appearing on the album are four exceptional musicians, four exceptional Hard Rock/Metal gentlemen: Dee Snider & Jay Jay French of the one and only Twisted Sister, ex-Kiss guitarist Bruce Kulick and Udo Dirkschneider, the ex-singer of German Heavy Metal legends Accept! Of course as far as I know, Dee Snider only appears on the SCG3 Special Report intro which is not a song but a funny (yet quite cool) special news bulletin straight from the streets where a terrified crowd is trying to escape Lordi's idea of...hell on Earth! Udo appears on (thank goodness) one of the album's highlights, They Only Come Out At Night, which is probably the heaviest song on the album - performed in a rather Accept-ish guitar style meets Lordi's unique orchestral choruses. Chainsaw Buffet features Mr. Jay Jay French on guitars and is hmm... quite cool. I actually like the catchy riff in there. And of course, there's Hard Rock Hallelujah that totally rocks! Come to think about it, now I understand why the girl starring in the song's video is wearing a Twisted Sister t-shirt!
Only thing that troubles me is that having heard Lordi's two previous albums, I have a slight feeling that the band's repeating itself, slightly though. It's not something that will tire you down, it's just something that might make you skip a few tracks here and there. Other than that, I find songs like Night Of The Loving Dead quite smart, starting from the fiddling around with the title (obviously you know which movie's title has been twisted here, huh?) and up to the funny lyrics and catchy melodies.
If you want to party with your friends and get a huge kick out of the music you're listening to - and that be Hard Rock - then Lordi's your band. I could never really take 'em too seriously but you know what? In a world full of crap, if the turds start singing some cool stuff then I guess the stench ain't so bad after all. And you know what? By saying turds, I don't mean that Lordi suck. No way. Lordi would probably wear a turd-ish costume and go out there on stage and perform if they could - and their music rocks! So, get your asses out there and support 'em if you live in Europe - vote for Lordi in this year's Eurovision Song Contest and let's shock all those commercial Pop wimps who'll be sitting on their fancy couches with their generic wives, their baggy panted kids and their homosexual poodles...
- Facts: 1) Hard Rock Hallelujah is the song that took Lordi to the E.S.C.'s semi-finals that'll take place in May, in Athens, Greece. 2) You can check out the video for Hard Rock Hallelujah by going to Lordi's official MySpace profile - here. Or you can always download it straight from our magazine's Downloads section.

8 / 10


"Arockalypse" Track-listing:

SCG3 Special Report   
Bringing Back The Balls To The Rock   
The Deadite Girls Gone Wild   
The Kids Who Wanna Play With The Dead
It Snows In Hell
Who's Your Daddy
Hardrock Hallelujah
They Only Come Out At Night
Chainsaw Buffet
Good To Be Bad
The Night Of The Loving Dead

Lordi Lineup:

Lordi - Vocals
Amen - Guitar
Ox - Bass
Kita - Drums
Awa - Keyboards

Guest Musicians:
Dee Snider (Twisted Sister)
Jay Jay French (Twisted Sister) - Guitars
Bruce Kulick (ex-KISS) - Guitars
Udo Dirkschneider (U.D.O, ex-Accept) - Vocals

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