Once upon a time, in a little house of domestic violence, there were two children, a boy and a girl. These children's father was an abusive alcoholic who couldn't keep his hands off his own kin. Their mother was a skeleton whore, who use drugs. Pretty much whatever she could score. The way the story goes, the father beats and even stabs his wife, not enough to kill her of course. Hits his own children and in some cases, he even drugs his own daughter. Their mother slices her wrists in the tub deep enough to bleed to death and the children need to get the fuck out of this hell hole. You know what they say, "There's No Place Like Home." Welcome to the horrifying new world of the Dutch Symphonic Black Metal trio, CARACH ANGREN. Their new album "This Is No Fairytale" is finally close to release through Season Of Mist, and the masters of horror have written a whole new story, but beware, this nightmare is no dream.

This is a band I can not wait to see live, and I'm really hoping with their 4th installment they'll finally be able to do a full North American tour (that means come to Toronto, Ontario). The first song released, "There's No Place Like Home" had me questioning if this album would stand up in comparison to the last 3 albums, the vocals seemed off. They didn't seem to match the way the instrumentals were going, but when I sat down and really listened to it I noticed the panic that Seregor put in his voice. These vocals aren't out of place, their horrified, stressed and it adds a whole other layer to the insanity that will consume your mind. Ardek, this man is a master of keyboard and orchestration. The shear terror that he can put into your body just with the way he lays orchestral parts under Seregor's guitar is impeccable. Last, but sure as hell not least, Namtar. Man, Namtar needs more love, this guy is an amazing drummer who instead of relying solely on blast-beats, and hard hitting drums like most Black Metal, he keeps a beat and knows how to add to the characters' feelings. You can tell when the characters are stressed, happy, or more or less any other emotion they could have based on how Namtar is playing.

So far in the story, we know the children's mother kills herself, the children escape the house, are drugged by a clown and a witch who wants to eat the lifeless flesh of the boy she calls Hansel. The story I refuse to spoil the rest. It's like spoiling a movie (I'd actually rather have a movie spoiled for me), but here's what I can assure you of. CARACH ANGREN are back. The album is fucking spectacular, the story is even better than "Where The Corpses Sink Forever," and if you're a fan of Symphonic Black Metal: this is the best you're gonna get. So I suppose there's only one last thing to ask, "did you like the meat?"