I'm about to get real for a minute. It's been a few days since the tragic death of Chester Bennington of LINKIN PARK. I have read so many stories of how this band, their lyrics, their music, his voice shaped many people in my generation. My story is similar, but I needed to write this. I took hearing of his passing hard. "Hybrid Theory" changed my life. While I attribute TOOL as being the most influential band in my life, but if it weren't for "Paper Cut" and the LINKIN PARK crew, I wouldn't have start my journey in rock then metal music, so early.

The first time I heard the track; I was at the beach with a close friend and her family. Her older stepbrother had it playing out back after everyone went to bed. We stayed up all night chatting and just listening to the music, to the lyrics, to our souls healing a little bit. We both had 'things' that were healed from this album and it also blossomed a nine-year relationship. So, to say they had no impact on me personally as well as professionally would be a terrible lie.

I have, in my darkest moments, turned to "Hybrid Theory" and "Meteora" over and over again. The songs are the same, but each take on a new meaning depending on where my head is at the time. "Pushing Me Away" has always been a favorite of mine. "This is the last smile, that I'll fake for the sake of being with you!The sacrifice of hiding in a lie!Now I see, your testing me is pushing me away" those lyrics are so powerful for me. It tells me to not be what others want me to be, I tend to be a people pleaser, and so keeping true to myself has always been a struggle. It's nice to be able to turn to a song that makes you remember your worth when you feel worthless.

I don't share much about me to many people, but I do go to therapy on a regular basis. I have mental issues and live in my head more often than in the real world. I think the best way to combat all the mental issues out there is to be open about them, to tell your story. I also had a difficult childhood. I was poor financially. I had crooked teeth, I was made fun of relentlessly for it. There is more, but I digress here. "Hybrid Theory" helped me sort through these feelings of rejection and hatred to find some peace with life, just knowing there was someone out there who I could relate to.

As I listen and reminisce to the LINKIN PARK that I grew up with, I try to remember all the good that came from this group and what they did for me in my youth. I am the lover of heavier music, the lover of metal, the lover of unique and odd things and people, I am the person I am today in large part to LINKIN PARK and Chester Bennington. We need more love, we need more compassion, and we need more understanding. Addiction and depression are terrible things to have to live with and the more we talk about them as something we want to help instead of something we condemn, the better our future will be for it. I hope he has found the solace his soul was missing in this life form. Much love and much respect; you are now apart of the energy.

Jess

Photo: Yospie Cardoso, Metal-Temple Photographer