For once, I am at a loss for words. Not for any reasons involving the misplacement of the words I usually use, no. Rather, I'm at a loss for words because this band, WARCKON, have the same fatal flaw as nearly all my negative reviews, but for reasons that are markedly different. It fucks up the usual things, but in its own distinct ways. I guess that's some consummation.

Let's just jump right to the why of this, since the introductory paragraph already broached the topic, and I don't want to beat around the bush or any of that nonsense.

The vocals are fucking terrible. Not because they are too growly, over-done, or overly shouty like all the other horrible -core bands. Nope, this vocalist just sounds like shit because he can't fucking do it. He has no vocal skill whatsoever. Absolutely none. I heartedly laughed to myself many times to this album, and I don't think that was WARCKON's intentions or desire. Think of a twelve year old, pre-pubescent boy doing his best Satan impersonation. No matter how hard he might try, you can't mask the fact that his vocal timbre is that of a child whose balls haven't even begun their manly descent like Chuck Norris rolling down a hill in a construction tire. It's hilariously bad.

And it's really sad, because I think there is some potential here. The rhythm section does the concept of Thrash Metal rightly, and I generally accepted the soloing - even if he relies on the old "ascend and then descend a scale rapidly a lot" trick that so many lead guitarists think they can get away with. A scale run is not a solo, it's just a scale run, no matter how up the fucking fretboard you go. A bowl of Cheerios is not a recipe, and you can't claim it is one. It's just ringed oats collected in a bowl and soaked in milk. That's basically what the soloing amounts to.

I didn't hear much from the bassist, apart from those rare occasions when he pokes his head out but then quickly returns to his hidey-hole because he saw his own shadow. So I'll assume he's not very good. I've gotten plenty of flak from readers, other editors, and record officials in general that I'm an asshole piece of shit that doesn't know anything about Metal music and is an arrogant cocksucker who thinks he knows everything and just enjoys shitting on the works of others. No, I most certainly am not any of those things. Would you rather read a review that just gives the band an over-enthusiastic handjob and tells you everything is ok, or a review that doesn't kiss anyone's ass and tells you, the reader, my honest, unbridled opinion?

"The Madman's Lullaby" is about as mediocre as you can get. Sure, if you will listen to anything that's fast and distorted, have at it. But I'd recommend you spend your money on something more worthwhile, like a bowl of Cheerios. At least that won't turn to shit until much later.