Castrated - Surgical Vicissitude
“Heavy Metal Mashed Potatoes”
Written by Big Bear Buchko

There are bands that I’ve seen over the years whose mere presence exhausted me. Bands that have crafted such an intense and chaotic sound that something as simple as listening to them – at home – alone - was enough to send my old man bones to bed. This is the distinct feeling I get after powering through Surgical Vicissitude by Houston, Texas’ own Castrated for the first time; it is brutal; it is punishing; and it is… exhausting.

My only consistent complaint here is something that is very much up to everyone’s own interpretation, but the whole of their sound often becomes so overburdened by its own intensity that it loses its meaning as “song” and becomes a wall of incontestable noise. With music, with composition, with song… you pick apart each instrument from its own position in the moment to truly appreciate the mix within your own head. This is why we all drum along with Phil Collins during “In the Air Tonight,” or play air guitar to Dimebag’s breakdown in “Domination;” because we seek out, we mentally isolate, and we attach ourselves to what we enjoy. But when every role in Spinal Tap is cranked up to eleven, the result can quickly and easily become heavy metal mashed potatoes. And Surgical Vicissitude, in only five tracks, has numerous servings of heavy metal mashed potatoes.

Castrated also finds themselves as a band guilty of one of my biggest pet peeves in extreme metal – a crime I like to call “Gargle Bargle Grandiloquence.” You’re heavy. I get that. Most of us can tell from your album cover. And how you look. And how you sound. And your indecipherable band logo. So, there is absolutely no reason to give your song names and album titles and basic noodly interludes… the most pompous, nonsensical, over-the-top and I-know-you-picked-this-out-of-a-dictionary ass names that trenchcoated Middle Schoolers would rush to call “MeTaL.” Seriously. Surgical Vicissitude. “Surgery.” Got that. Know what that means. “Vicissitude.” Let’s look that up. It means… “a change of circumstances or fortune, typically one that is unwelcome or unpleasant.” (Oxford Languages) “A challenge, or a moment in one’s life that you’d rather avoid, but everyone has to go through.” (Vocabulary.com) So… this is Castrated’s album: A Slightly Concerning Surgery But You’re Gonna be Fine, Everyone Has to Get their Tonsils Out Once, It’s Better You’re Doing it Now While You’re Young, What Kind of Ice Cream Do You Like? That’s how I read that. But no. Let’s call it Surgical Vicissitude. Because metal.

Our first of the five is “Deranged Manifestations” (Gargle Bargle Grandiloquence score: 4 out of 10) is a violent and technical onslaught. It comes on strong, brutal – with a gut punch that makes you sit up and take notice. “Wow” was definitely said, at one point. Being a (former) singer myself, vocals are one of the main elements I tend to attack when listening to new music, and these are the kind of death metal vocals I like. They rumble. They project. They have spirit and force and energy. And while it didn’t take long for Castrated’s servings of mashed potatoes to become prevalent, it was still a positive experience in my book overall.

We power through the 2^nd track – “Surgical Vicissitude” (G.B.G. score: 5 out of 10) and on into “Forcible Oral Sodomy” (since “Sodomy” already incorporates the “oral” part of “Forcible Oral Sodomy,” this song is “Forcible Oral Oral,” so G.B.G. score: 6 out of 10 for dramatic redundancy) and this is where, while I am definitely enjoying the record, I’m starting to be thankful it’s so short. The great deluge of raw hammering track after track starts to become too much for the senses, and I start to really feel it as early as midway though this third song. “Propagate the Subservient” (G.B.G. score: 7 out of 10) opens with a scene… or a sample… or a skit – I dunno, but the blend going from sample to song is impressive. It’s not often you feel like a multi-media clip works perfectly into the production it represents, but it sure works here. And with “Sterilized Contrition,” the whole album, front to back, is completely done in 20 minutes.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you get a LOT for your 20 minutes. If you played Surgical Vicissitude during your reps at the gym, you’d straight rip the weights off the bars of Kettlebell Sitting Press 2. And one thing I can say with confidence is that this record, played live, would be a monumental display of veracity. I’d want to see this, and I’d very much want to be in that pit. Ridiculous song names aside (which I’m not going to fault them for), my biggest issue was and remains the mashed potato effect of song dissolvement, because more often than not, if the singer’s not singing, you tend to lose track of the song as a whole. I’m all for intensity, but you’ve got to maintain a song’s integrity as well.

All-in-all, I enjoyed the Surgical Vicissitude, even if I’m left wondering if the album would’ve been bigger and longer if they weren’t… Castrated. Harder too, I bet. Kinda… makes you question if all the guys in Castrated aren’t just a bunch of dicks. Or maybe there was one guy in the band who was kind of a dick, and they finally cut him off. Don’t be a dick in a band called Castrated. That’s a great tip.

Ending with a series of dick jokes. Nice.