Longtime Alice Cooper bassist Chuck Garric has a side project. And that project is called BEASTO BLANCO. Ok, let's assume that name didn't suck, which it does, I decided to reserve judgment until I listened to the album, "Live Fast Die Loud" (where are these guys shopping, Clichés R'Us??) available now via Rat Pak Records. Turns out I was pretty spot-on. This album is really nothing more than recycled ROB ZOMBIE songs. Some people have actually made MOTORHEAD comparisons, none of which I can see.

After the intro of "Il Nostro Spirito" (ugh), we are treated to "Beasto Blanco" and "Bloodshot". Each one is more forgettable than the last, with the latter being just a terrible song. The good news is "California" and "Breakdown" are instantly memorable and downright catchy. Still... ROB ZOMBIE, guys. I have to wonder if these were his old demos and he just couldn't be bothered recording them.

"Viva Las Vegas Nights" (are you Kidding me?!?) is so bad that it wasn't even worth throwing myself out a window over. Otherwise, the bad song wins. "Motorqueen" is next. OHMYGODWILLSOMEONEMAKE ITSTOP??? A meaningless mish-mosh of rattling off car makes and models over generic riffs does not an actual song make! From here we go to a song titled "Freak". Stop right now, and count how many songs you've heard with this title. I lost count somewhere around 20, and this one isn't even in the top 15.

Now, "Beg To Differ" has some serious potential. It's got that down and dirty rawness to it, and unlike the rest of the album it doesn't sound overproduced and electronic. There's a Sunset Strip whiskey-fueled vibe here and it works really well, which makes me think that MAYBE these guys aren't a total lost cause. And then the title track hits and we're back to watered-down Zombieland, thus negating my previous statement. Oi. Mercifully "No More Man" is the last song on this 38-minute disaster, and it is as unmemorable as the rest of the record.

Sorry to say, but BEASTO BLANCO is nothing more than a rip-off of stuff we've heard a thousand times before, and this album is simply god-awful. And what's worse is that it's got Johnny Depp's stamp of approval, something these guys are shouting from the rooftops. Yeah, because that fucking clown knows anything about music. If that tool bag said he liked my band, I'd quit the music biz tomorrow.