Well, it's time for a new reflection. The one that hurts everyone and, sometimes, can unleash the worst things possible in us all: the loss of our loved ones. By loved ones, the reader can think of their mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandma, granddad, sons and daughters, or other ones who are related to us by blood, by friendship or marriage. The term loved ones spans a wide range of possibilities. It's the same: things are going, life as it is, but in one unexpected moment, they're gone. And the first common thing that happens in our minds is: "I could have done more than I did", or similar thoughts like this one. And to be honest, it's a mistake we all commit.
Metal teaches us all to be strong in every moment of life: in our daily struggles in works, school and any other. But to face the loss isn't an easy task, because it's not a matter of being strong in body and mind. No strength is enough in these moments. There are many examples of people that lose some loved person in Rock 'n' Roll. A fine report was given by Ozzy Osbourne in his biography "I am Ozzy": both losses of his father (during his late and troubled times in BLACK SABBATH) and mother were hard for him. But one teaching about him is clear: he kept on, the only thing left to do.
The worst case possible: Ian Curtis, the vocalist/guitarist of Post Punk legend JOY DIVISION. He took his life when he was just 23, and the reasons are on his biography for anyone to read, but all linked to depression and his divorce. Divorce is a kind of loss, and depression is a disease that needs constant (both medical and familiar) accompaniment. Remember the recent sad cases of Chris Cornell (of SOUNDGARDEN, TEMPLE OF THE DOG and AUDIOSLAVE) and Chester Bennington (of LINKIN' PARK), people who struggled with depression.
Why did I cite depression here? Because in the early stages of this specific disease (that is caused by low levels of serotonin, a monoamine neurotransmitter), it can be triggered by the loss of a loved person, among other factors (the Wikipedia article has a very good discussion about this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood)#Life_events)
Sadness can't be a constant, and even with knowing that life will end in a moment, no one is prepared for saying goodbye for a loved one. Well, this article doesn't mean to make you sad. Not at all, there are many musicians who write about positive views on their lyrics, and even the darker themes can be faced in a form that can make people surpass the pain of the loss. One fine example is Kai Hansen.
Kai wrote lyrics as "I'm Alive", "Future World", "I Want Out", "March of Time" and so many others that can fill your hearts with joy and fun. On other hand, lyrics as "Halloween", "Heading for Tomorrow", "Rebellion in Dreamland", "Man on a Mission", "Armageddon" and many others are lyrics to set the mind back in the road, and to teach that every suffering can be surpassed. It's a matter of trying to overcome the pain. But this feature can be found in any band you can think of, it's just a matter of how you see things.
One example: a former friend of mine lost this father-in-law in 1994. When we got back from the cemetery (after his father's burial), he chose to hear BATHORY's "Call from the Grave". I don't really think this helped him (he had a strong fear of death on those days), but helped, it's a good thought. The main thing: never, for any reason, surrender to pain. You all can deal with that.
I'd like to speak a little about my personal life, for I lost a loved one less than a month ago: my mother, the sunshine of my life, my companion, partner and warrior, departed to the afterlife at December 14[sup]th[/sup].
She was 82, suffering of cardiac arrhythmia and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease two or three months before her passing, and taking too many different medicines per day (what she disliked a lot). Both diseases seem to be a consequence of the stressors she had due seeing my older sister suffering with COVID-19 in 04/2022 in a struggle for life (no mother should pass the experience of mourning one daughter). My sister overcame the disease (thank my sweet Jesus for that), but mom wasn't the same anymore, and in my sister's words, she was "like a candle burning at its end". By the way, I will remember that the former Brazilian president and his sect of conservative idiots are to blame for both pains I felt. Now, things against Bolsonaro and Trump are on a personal level!
What I'm doing since then?
Well, I'm writing these words 20 days after her departure, and I like to evade the guilty thoughts (the usual ones as "why in the blazes I didn't do that" or "I could do better than I did", ideas that comes when such events happen, and can be a torment). On that day, I was sad and crying, but was strangely calm (who knows me deeply would expect outbursts of revolt or melancholy, and even me would wait for such reaction). Her expression was serene and she went on her journey during her sleep, so she felt no pain, and these remembrances comfort me a lot.
On the other hand, I like to remember her happy moments with me, my brother and sisters, nieces and nephews, and with her parents was well (as my Graduation in Physics, my Master's and Doctor's Degree, the birthday celebrations, the Christmas and New Year suppers). She was always happy, and a humble and kind person that loved to help those in need (what made many people out of my family mourn her passing), and these moments of happiness are precious, the ones when I remember brings me not pain, loss or sadness, but the warmth feeling of nostalgia that we all like to have.
Another experience: two days after she went to the other life, the father of two close friends of my family departed as well, and I had to go to his funeral (these friends of mine went to embrace me and my family, so I felt myself in debt). One can think "this guy has guts of steel, and nerves and heart of tungsten", what's not true (my heart is jelly). But a simple and lovely moment happened: I had lunch at a restaurant before going there. And I was choosing what to eat, I could almost hear Mommy's voice saying to me gently to eat lettuce, chayote and (if I can remember the moment) carrots. I smiled for that and sad in my thoughts: "yes, Mommy".
In reality, love does not end when a loved person travels to the afterlife. It only becomes eternal!
So this article just intends to teach by my personal experience to deal with the pain of loss, to evade factors that can trigger depression, and as homage and tribute to my loved mother, Zurete Aguiar Garcia. My final words: thanks for all these years, all the love you gave me, and the good memories I have (and will keep for all my life). I love you, Mommy, and hope to see you again someday!
